I had a really weird dream that I moved back to Iowa City later this afternoon, sans fiance and motivation for doing so.
(You know that line in Inception when Leo says, "Dreams only seem strange to us when we wake up," when he's explaining what they do? This entire dream felt impossible from the moment it started. At several points I actually had the thought, "Okay, I must be dreaming, this looks real but none of this seems right." I remembered details about last night, about hanging out with Joe and eating pork steaks with my parents and thinking over wedding plans and allergy medicines.)
I walked down South Clinton and saw people I knew, but when I called out to them, it's as if they didn't recognize my voice. Anna and Jei came out of the woodwork to say hi to me.
Jei helped me walk my luggage to my place. I had an apartment there from a lease I had apparently somehow signed in December for one year -- and I had clearly been there before because there were drawings of mine on the door and various foodstuffs still in the fridge. There were two unopened gallons of milk that had obviously spoiled, and I thought to myself, "Why did you leave these here?"
We drank soda, and I commented on what a nice Sunday afternoon it was. She told me it was 3:00 AM. I checked my watch and realized she was right. Shortly afterward the sun sank, and she went home.
I sat there, trying to remember why I had come. Surely not to live here, yet I hadn't given any notice to anyone except my family. I missed Joe terribly and wondered when I would see him again. I thought to myself, "I'll stay a week and go back home," but I didn't have any money for another plane ticket. I wondered if maybe I had come to see two people who I wasn't even very good friends with, and who had moved away (I only realize this upon waking). I wondered if I had come to buy something. I was very anxious that I had no idea what I was doing in a big, grey, unfamiliar apartment after fleeing my job and my family & friends, and that most of the friends I had here didn't remember who I was.
I thought of going to a bar on the North Side, a new one called Blue Star someone had told me about online. Apparently that's where all the policemen went, hence the name.
I opened my window, and a cool breeze swept in. The street was bathed in orange streetlight glow, and the smell of spring grass filled the room. I stuck my head out the window. It was beautiful, it was magical. It was all the spring evenings I had spent walking Summit Street and the early summers I had spent running through the park.
I knew I needed to go back home soon, but only after this night was finished.
I am pretty sure I feel asleep in that Iowa City nighttime sense of comfort, and woke up in my bed here. O.O